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Dear Golda,
Today I took my son (7 years old) to play basketball in an after-school league, where I was dismayed to sit next to another parent wearing a sweater depicting Israel as a watermelon (similar to the one below). We live in Canada, which seems to resemble late 1930s Germany more with each passing month.
Although I personally view this symbol as a call for the murder of Jews in Israel, I try to give people wearing this type of paraphernalia the benefit of the doubt by pretending they’re advocating for a two state solution to help moderate my blood pressure.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t help overhear this woman obnoxiously cackling with her daughter, as they accused the “Zionists” of genocide. I thought about confronting them, but I didn’t want to make a scene in front of kids and I stopped believing I can change anyone’s mind.
I also realize this woman probably couldn’t locate Israel on a map, and I shouldn’t let her ignorant opinions get to me. But, they do get to me. It stings every time I encounter one of these bastards in the wild.
Like most Jewish parents, I want to protect my kids from the painful realization that many people hate us, and some even want to harm us, because we are Jewish.
As my kids get older, I am questioning how much longer I can protect them. When is the appropriate age to have ‘the talk’ with them about antisemitism. Right now, as I watch my son play basketball with the kid of this idiot parent, it’s clear neither has any understanding of the cultural divide that will likely grow between them in the coming years.
As much as I don’t want to shatter the innocence of my children, I also don’t want to wait until someone calls my kids a “dirty Jew”, or for them to get handed a note in class with a swastika on it (both of which happened to me no later than middle school when hating Jews was considered way less cool than it is today).
How are other Jewish parents navigating this hellscape?
-Frustrated Aba in the Diaspora
Dear Frustrated Aba,
Hellscape is a great word for it. I also have young kids and this is a difficult question.
Every family has to figure out what makes sense for them. There are unfortunately no right answers, but there are clearly wrong ones.
First, let me also be clear, I’m not a psychologist, nor has anyone ever accused me of being he most emotionally attuned adult human on Earth. That said, I echo your sentiment about the importance of the having the conversation on your own terms before you’re forced into it after an inevitable incident.
My personal belief is that kids are ready to start hearing ‘the talk’ as young as 4 to 8 depending on their maturity and the type of community you live in. Get on the same page with your spouse about when and how to have the talk before you have it. This can be a sensitive topic for parents and being on the same page is important.
Keep it as simple as possible. If they ask questions, answer them calmly and truthfully.
Here are some talking points for your conversation with your Jewish kids about antisemitism with some help from the Philadelphia Jewish Federation
Start by explaining that Jewish values teach us to treat everyone with respect, but that unfortunately not everyone in the world shares the same values.
Some people don’t understand that we’re all different, and this can lead to unkindness or exclusion. We may encounter people who are unkind to us in life simply because we are Jewish.
Fortunately, although Jewish people have faced hard times throughout our existence, we’ve always found a way to stay strong and support one another. We are resilient!
A lot of people are working hard to make sure everyone is treated fairly, and we can be part of that change by being kind and standing up for others.
If you ever have any questions or want to talk about anything, we’re always here to listen.
I hope this helps alleviate some of your frustration Aba. If it goes against conventional wisdom and screws up your kids, than I sincerely apologize.
B’Hatzlacha (good luck)!
Maccabee Nation, let us know what you think in the comments.
Sources:
Talking to kids about Antisemitism https://jewishphilly.org/child-antisemitism-resources/
PJ Library - talking to kids about scary situations https://pjlibrary.org/beyond-books/pjblog/january-2017/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-scary-situations
When and How Do I Tell My Kids About Antisemitism?